"I did it myself!"

what if spending less time with our kids was the solution to drop (child + parent) anxiety? Conter-intuitive, uh!

Hi, everyone!

I hope you’re doing great 😊

I’ve made the -big- decision to not overthink these newsletters, for falling into the ‘perfect one’ mindset makes me… not share anything at all. Not even the one gem I wanted to share in the first place.

Today I’d love to share this recent TED talk from

Lenore Skenazy

the founder of the Let Grow initiative [When Adults Step Back, Kids Step Up] ; you might know her already? I think you should absolutely watch this. Believe me, it will raise questions 🙃

Think about it:

we are spending way more time with our kids than our parents spent with us, usually helping them do things that they could do on their own.

Ouch.

Question for you, now 😎👉

would you let your kid go [enter a familiar spot] on his/her own?

* * *

Yeah cause it’s usually easy to buy the theory (personally, I am sold!), but actually playing cool as we let them go for the first time is a whole other story.

As you can imagine, this triggered a very passionate conversation between

kev

and I, especially since our eldest (who is 6.5 y/o now):

• vividly remembers that one -and only- time staying at home on his own for 10 minutes as one of us was running an errand ; ask him, he is damn proud of this moment ‘surviving’ without us

• regularly asks us whether he could go to school on his own : 1.3km (0.8 miles), the whole time on the sidewalk, still: crossing a road, a bridge and two more roads in the end.

Kev (his dad) walked the streets on his own very early on, at around this age, 6. A few years later, at about 10, he was walking his little brother (aged 5) to school. The deep, natural confidence he has in himself, and that I admire so much, most certainly has roots in this big chunk of responsibilities he was given in his early childhood. He wrote a beautiful piece here: Kids Protection Gone Too Far.

👆 ‘Old Enough’ : a Japanese TV show - now on Netflix - featuring children aged 3 to 6, running errands on their own

OK, back to our kids, our decision. Haha, less easy, uh!

Kev and I ended up with this idea : a checklist of “the things you must master before running your first errand”, that we would draft, pin on the wall? A quest game for them, and a reminder for ourselves, that if everything is checked, then it is time to let go. (Not to add more bullet points 😛)

Things such as :

• knowing your name and family name

• knowing your address

• knowing mom or dad’s phone number without hesitation

• …

And a few basic rules such as:

• safely cross a road

• enter a store to ask for help

• …

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Now about the trend: look at what a child aged 8 is allowed to walk on his own, vs his mother, grand-father and great grand-father.

Also, about abduction (cause this is always the next question):

If for some reason you WANTED them to be snatched off the street by a stranger, statistically, how long would you have to keep them outside?

…

750 000 years

More about the risk of being kidnapped by a stranger.

Did you know?

Florida just became the 11^th state where Let Grow helped pass a Reasonable Childhood Independence law. It clarifies that “neglect” is when you put your child in obvious, serious danger – not anytime you take your eyes off them.

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What’s your take on this?

What is it like in your country / culture?

What have you tried with your child(ren)?

Cheers,

Mathilde