Hello hello.
I’ve been awfully quiet the past few weeks ; dealing with a resistant form of procrastination that wouldn’t leave me alone.
And with a mirror right in my face, it’s had much to do with imposteur syndrome and excessive perfectionism.
Amplified by going solo.
I am working on it.
Early August, though, the day I woke up at 4am while still jet-lagged (SF>Paris) to record this conversation, my energy level was through the roof.
I had a million questions prepared and enjoyed every minute of it, I didn’t even notice the day rising behind me. (You will, if you watch the video until the end 😜).
I was excited to talk with an entrepreneur in the parenting space, who had not only built six-figure large communities of parents, but one of the largest media platform for parenting content, and a documentary too. I was just as excited to meet the husband behind this successful mom, thus closing the loop.
When we hung up, after two hours, I felt that deep wave of gratitude and plenitude, walking in the quiet streets of Paris, grabbing warm croissants for our boys and grandma, still asleep. The day had just started yet it felt full already. As we walked through le Marais, I couldn’t help but spoil Kev with the excerpts I had enjoyed most. I didn’t care if he’d stop me (he did not), this was way too exciting.
Here I am, now. Delighted to introduce you to Sam and Simon, the most experienced parents I’ve received on the podcast so far.
Seventeen years of parenting, and counting.
I think you will notice their wisdom.
Is it just a matter of years? After all, there is no shortcut to 17 years of discussions, adjustments, crisis, alignement, healing, acceptance.
Or is it their work, as a teacher? as a mental health advocate? as a founder creating content for parents, gathering parents?
Probably a mix of it all.
Sam and Simon came to this conversation as they are, with no fuss. They interrupt each other, get intense, admit they have no fucking clue when they do… just as you would imagine they’d be at their kitchen counter, at home.
I am grateful and honoured to share this intimate, universal discussion with you.
So yes, I’m good and it’s enough because I care and I try, the outcome doesn’t actually matter.
After my conversation with Sandra and Yotam, I had watched Seen.
It made me feel :
Empathetic for the error we’ve made as parents and the ones our parents made with us
Grateful in our capacity to forgive others
Hopeful one can change (plasticity of the brain)
And quite honestly the monkeys experiment showing how little ones will inevitably choose connexion / love over food struck me!
Then I reached out to Sam.
The rest is history in this episode.
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tl;dr
this is a story about
- their evolving roles over the years
- the pain of being successful
- connection above anything else
- the masculine archetype
- the children voice (while parents are in the lead)
- expectations with regards to school and sports
It was never about the sport. It was about the community and connection and being a part of something
- performative kids < curiosity < boredom
It’s just really fascinating for me, I feel like everybody’s working so hard to try and do all the right things to get their kids to be something. And I laugh and think about my parents and I’m like, they did nothing!
- commitment to one another
One of the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard for parenting was about the best thing you can do for your kids is to love their mother
- embodying what we want to pass on to our children
We can’t give those to our children, if we haven’t gone on the journey of giving that to ourselves
- healing from our own trauma
So trauma isn’t just what happens to you. Trauma can be what didn’t happen
- the need to go through hard stuff, together as a couple
- the messy middle of navigating tech at home
One parent is consistent, the other isn’t. One parent can handle children’ feelings, the other less so.
- their own recipe for tech use at home
Making sure they’re being loved and listened to
But if we are not in love with our children, not just, I love my children, but in love with our children, they are looking for an adult or someone to be in love with them. In that like, I see you and I think you’re amazing. And so if they are desperate for that, they will be vulnerable
Educating our kids about the risks
I actually think all-or-nothing approaches, this is my opinion, is not healthy. We have to learn to live in the messy middle of it. And I’m like, if you want this, then you have to sit and have this conversation with me. Like, that’s the agreement
Helping them fill their life with exciting, IRL things to do
It’s not just how much time my kids are spending online, it’s what else? The online stuff is the opportunity cost. Like that time is coming at an opportunity cost of other things that they’re not doing, and therefore those skills are not being built
Because the truth is that underneath that I actually have no idea and I am worried and there are no answers here.
(…)
I am choosing to believe and trust that my kids are gonna be okay and I’m gonna act like that’s true, and if I do that, it will become true.
(…)
I still feel a little bit of terror about the whole situation. When it comes to witnessing my children on these devices, my son, I freak out and I have to resist letting that lead.
‘cause then I will start leading from fear and panic.
And that’s not good for anybody. And I just have to choose love and I have to choose trust, and I have to choose that I have tried and that I have cared and that my kids are gonna be okay and I’m gonna believe that.
(…)
So I’m a really big believer in the energy that we bring to this needs to be: We’ve got you. We can help you. You’ve got you. It’s messy. We’re in it together. Let’s not panic. You’ve got everything you need to be a successful adult. It’s gonna be a bit messy, but we will get there. And you’re not on your own in this.
more about my guests
“Both Simon and I are kind of helpers to a degree and have always kind of worked and lived in service to other people.” - Sam
| linkedInSam Jockel is an award-winning entrepreneur and content producer known for founding ParentTV, an innovative parenting platform, and building ALDI Mum and School Mum, online communities with over 650,000 members.
Recognized by the World Summit Awards Globally winning the Learning and Education category for the Quality Education SDG, she has also taken on the role of producer tackling the tricky topic of parenting in modern times with the documentary Seen.
Simon Jockel
Simon is a primary school teacher and the Blackall region lead at Outback Futures, a not-for-profit providing mental health and wellbeing services for kids, youth, adults, families and communities.
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Enjoy this episode!
Until next time 🌺
Mathilde
