Hi there!
Come meet Lindl and Steyn!
I am thrilled to share this third episode with you, where we explore, among many compelling topics, one that probably every parent who’s not living like Captain Fantastic (a great movie, btw) is thinking about, probably every single day : how do you deal with screen time?
For Lindl and Steyn, who’ve been very much inspired by the Taking Children Seriously approach to parenting, aka treating children like whole people (see more below) it goes like this : no screen time limit. Period.
Their kids are 6 and 4 years old, same as ours. Honestly, as much as I love the idea of a non-coercive type of education, duh. It felt off. Like, beyond my limits.
But given how thoughtful, intelligent and articulated these two parents are, a discussion was much needed. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did!
Also available on : Apple Podcast | Youtube
If you’re new here, welcome! NewKid is a podcast where I sit down with parents and explore what it means to raise our children today. Technology changed us. AI will change our children. How could we make sure -as parents but then, as a society- that it will be for the better?
tl;dr
on their way from a Montessori school to a mix of homeschooling and Montessori tutoring
crafting their kids education from their own experiences: Lindl was homeschooled, Steyn in a traditional school
what makes an exceptional tutor : about connexion and trust
on the importance of teaching kids how to feel and sense to better solve problems “no AI or robot standing in a queue will know what it feels like to wait for something”; also on how to be true to yourself
asking your kids “how do you feel about [xyz]” and helping them identify their emotions
the non-coercive approach is about asking yourself : how do you make other people feel?
unlimited screen time :
changing the paradigm, from putting restrictions to crafting the environment where kids can flourish (outside of screens)
kids are learning from our own behaviours…
dealing with inappropriate content
what works: engage with your kids x create a safe environment (curate content - with them!)
it’s hard to not operate out of that fear but rather to trust the process ; but one needs to learn by experience
introducing young kids to AI : from fact-checking using ChatGPT / Sky voice to raising awareness on fake video generation
with the rise of AIs in our lives, don't know what can be more important in life than how we make other people feel ; it then become easier to raise your kid in a non coercive way
being able to tell your kids ‘I am sorry’ is paramount
more about my guests
Steyn
viljoen.space | x.com/steynviljoen
I’m a senior product designer living in Cape Town, South Africa. I care deeply about designing tools that feel humane—products that make sense, respect the people using them, and have some staying power in the world.
I’m also a dad to two kids, and raising them has shaped the way I think about everything. We follow the Taking Children Seriously approach at home, which means we treat each other like real people.
I love running, gardening, building things and reading on a wide variety of topics. Some of the ideas that have stuck with me come from David Deutsch, Carl Rogers, and Christopher Alexander. I love systems, slow growth, and things that are built to last.
Here are some keywords that attempt to capture who I'm about: gardening, plants, pots, dad, taking children seriously, philosophy, alexander technique, internal family systems, optimism, taoism, god, critical rationalism, reading, running, startups, making, building, ant farm, bug hotel, quiet afternoon, home, lawn, play, reflect, laugh
Lindl
I’m Lindl, I work in payroll at a small, close-knit accounting firm where we handle clients’ monthly payroll needs with care and precision. I grew up in the small town of Patensie and moved to Cape Town straight after school, where I took a gap year (or two!) and found my feet in the city. It was also where I met my husband, Steyn, about 14–15 years ago. We got married in 2014 and now have two wonderful boys, aged 4 and 6, who keep us on our toes.
I’ve always loved entertaining. Nothing makes me happier than cooking or baking for friends and family and seeing them enjoy what I’ve made. I’m naturally creative and enjoy all things hands-on: arts and crafts, sewing, and making our home a beautiful, welcoming space. I’m more of a practical person than a bookworm. I’d much rather be doing than reading about it!
dig deeper
materials that we discussed in the pod, and more:
the Taking Children Seriously approach to raising children:
Children have as much right to control their lives as we adults have to control ours. They are fallible (make mistakes)—but so are we adults. They are not omniscient (they do not know everything) but neither are we adults.
The Sovereign Child, by Aaron Stupple
The Beginning of Infinity, by David Deutsch
humans and robots On Arrival, A Bouquet, by Antoine Valot here’s an excerpt:
His mind is limited, slow, faulty, but uses a clever hack called imagination, that fills in the gaps with invented facts… and he’s a master at it. A lifetime of reinventing his memories has given him something greater than satisfaction. It’s given him what humans calls bliss.
Each memory for him is an alternate world, in which he lives an ageless life. There he can sing with a full voice, watch his companion’s body dancing with love and wild abandon. There, he feels free.
Since my goal is to optimize his well-being, I need to understand bliss. I’ve begun modeling a new mind for myself, to mirror his.
Michael Ashcraft’s article on Alexander Technique is a great place to start
pieces from Steyn that really resonated
David Deutsch says it well, “Disobedience is man's original virtue.”
Fundamentally, without disobedience, we can’t have creativity, and without creativity we can’t make progress.
It’s a bit sticky: Zero tolerance leads to a static society, but too much of it leads to chaos. Both can cause societal collapse. Or, as the historian Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy explained:
“Every form of civilization is a wise equilibrium between firm substructure and soaring liberty.”
Or simply, all civilisations move on a spectrum between absolute obedience and complete anarchy.
Screen time : unask the question
“Should kids have screen time limits?”, is a fundamentally flawed question.
Mu. Unask the question. Ask a different one.
Here’s one alternative: How can we connect better with our kids?
notes for myself
momentum is the most powerful yet fragile ingredient to make any project go from 0 to 1 (and further) ; when it’s here, you’re flying to the moon (April, July), when it’s not (June), it’s damn hard to keep the faith intact - onwards.
bear with me the countless “mmmh” that I can’t help but make while guests are talking - this is just a nightmare to edit (!). So yeah Mathilde, stop that. And accept silences too.
That’s it for today!
Listen, reach out, and enjoy the week ahead.
Bisous,
Mathilde
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